Our Seinfeld Episode

We currently live about 8 blocks from the restaraunt they use in the sitcom Seinfeld. So, in the very obscure instance that I am flipping through channels and see an episode, I feel this bizarre, compelling force to watch. I have really enjoyed this new hobby, so a friend of ours gave us the first 2 seasons on DVD. It really has no plot. Each episode is different and it is basically satirical one line humor about society. Each has a title and is about a funny or peculiar incident that all of America has at one time or another had to face. I have decided that our week this week would make an incredible Seinfeld Episode. It will be called, "The Ear Infection."

It all started in Asheville - we went for Steven Edward's 9 month check up and it turned out he had an ear infection. This has been a fear of mine as a mother, since he seems to have an incredibly high pain tolerance. I feel like one day I will wake up and my son will be deaf from an ear infection that was never detected.

Well, he finished his 10 day antibiotic and by the end he started running a small fever. We, as any good parent would do, looked for any signs of sickness and concluded that he was teething. This has been our diagnosis every time Steven Edward has been fussy over the past 6 months. It should be noted here that my son has gotten two teeth this week. So we monitored the fever but didn't really worry. Then Monday night, Steven Edward woke up screaming with a 104.1 temperature. We freaked out and called everyone we have ever known who ever had children for advice. Being our first child, we wanted to poll all of our friends on what they would do, because we honestly had no idea of how to handle the situation. After a long frantic discussion we decided to take him to the ER.

We arrived to a waiting room that was relatively empty. There was a crazy homeless man taking shelter from the cold whom I (out of foolish southern politeness) accidentally smiled at. He took this as his cue to become obsessed with our son. He started announcing loudly to the room of people that, "that baby is just fine, he is just acting this way because he knows what's coming. He knows there is another on the way! Right, dad - we all know." He then proceeded to discuss my son's weight with the room. "Just don't over feed them and don't over gas them. That's the problem and the doctor will tell you the same thing. Too much food and too much stomach gas." After this small humiliation we found out that Steven had yet another ear infection. We asked the man checking us in if there were always crazy people in the lobby, to which he responded, "Of course! It's New York City!" Other notable craziness involving the ER included a man explaining the many addictions he had to a local nurse (um...including cocaine) and a sleeping doctor (who happened to be examining our son)!

This time they put him on a much stronger antibiotic which, according to the instructions, may cause vomiting in the first couple days. Oh...and it does. It is almost as predictable as shaking a bottle of seltzer water before you open it. One hour after ingestion...well you understand. The most comical episode occurred last night while my husband was in class (shocker, right). I have gotten pretty good at anticipating the blow and this time I was a little quick on the draw because I got in there just before the explosion. Upon picking him up, he covered my shoulder, back, and that's right...my hair. I did the only thing I saw as an option - I got into the bathtub with my son and bathed him while attempting to wash out my own hair. This is not quite the end. Just as my husband got home and I was rocking Little Steven to sleep after his evening feeding, that's right....spew number two. This time I (according to my husband) used a choice word and cried to the elder Steven for help. Since I was unable to distinguish the new accident from the wetness of the last shower I was forced to jump into the shower again - this time quite alone. My husband rocked our son to sleep and the doctor called and told us we're doing the right thing, because based on his actions the medicine is working. We currently have an appointment tomorrow to assess the progress. Oh, the blessing of children. The rest of this week I will have my hair in a pony tail and use disposable diapers.